The Alligator River Story By : Arby A.J

This is a tender love story about Alice and Cecil who have been together since high school. They are now about to graduate from college, and have been engaged now for four months. In June they plan to wed. Everyday, Alice leaves her home, crosses over the bridge, meets Cecil, and they walk to school together. One night a big storm came up and blew the bridge away. That morning Alice came out to cross the river, but the bridge was gone—she was trapped. She and Cecil were separated, because the river was very deep, very wide, and there were lots of alligators and crocodiles in it. There was no way for Alice and Cecil to get together, so they stood on opposite shores and waved and sighed at each other.

Several days passed, and one morning down the river came Sinbad and his sailboat. Alice jumped up and down and hooted and screamed for help. Sinbad came cruising by her side of the river and landed his boat. He jumped out and said, “Yes, yes, what can I do for you?” Alice explained the whole story about the bridge, about Cecil, and how she really loved Cecil, and how she just had to get to the other side. “Could you please, Mr. Sinbad, take me across the river?” Sinbad thought about it for a while. Then he said, “If you sleep with me tonight, then I’ll take you across the river tomorrow morning.” Alice was most distraught. What a dilemma. Alice was a virgin—she was sav­ing herself for Cecil. What a dilemma. She was going out of her mind. She pleaded with Sinbad. He said, “No, you sleep with me, and I will take you across the river.”

Alice didn’t know what to do, so she ran screaming and crying into her girlfriend Emma’s house and explained the whole story. Emma just looked at her and said, “You are a big girl now. You are old enough to love Cecil, so you are old enough to make up your own mind.” “But Emma, Emma, I just don’t know what to do!” “Emma merely said: “Alice, there comes a time when you have to make your own decision about things.” Alice realized that this was that Emma would tell her.

Alice had one last source of help. A neighbor, Sam, owned a rowboat which she might be able to use. Sam was notorious about protecting his property and for this reason she had never approached him before. “Sam, Sam, she said, please let me borrow your rowboat to get across to Cecil. I promise I will take good care of the boat.” “Nah,” Sam replied, “you’ll be so in love with Cecil that you for­get to return the boat.” “Oh, Sam, isn’t there any way you will let me borrow it?” “Well,” said Sam, “you can rent it. This is, after all, why I have the boat. I rent it out.” “But I don’t have any money at all, Sam, not even a single dime.” “Well, do dime, no boat,” said Sam.

Dejectedly Alice walked back to the River…and told Sinbad that his deal was on. That night they slept together.

The next morning, true to his word, Sinbad took her across the river, and then sailed away. Alice and Cecil came running up to teach other and hugged and kissed: kissy face, pressy bod—what a scene. Alice said, “Cecil, I love you.” Cecil said, “Alice, let’s not wait any longer, let’s get married right away.” “But Cecil, there is something I have to tell you first. In order to get across the river, I had to sleep with Sinbad.” “You what!? You did what!? “Oh, but Cecil, I only did it because I love you. “Oh, no Alice, no, no. You see, of course, that I can’t marry you now.” “But Cecil, I love you and Sinbad wouldn’t take me across otherwise.” “Alice, I can’t live with someone who compromised her morals. You see that, can’t you?”

Alice, stunned wandered away, crying, just weeping out of control. Her sobbing attracted Pierre, a handsome and strong woodsman, who felt sympathetic toward Alice, comforted her, and asked her to tell him her story. Alice did and with this, Pierre stomped off toward Cecil’s house in order to beat the crap out of him.